Posted on by Yannis Kavounis

One thing I learnt #10: Diva Self-Care part II: Awareness and equanimity for everyday mental health

2:15am. Not again! No coffee  this morning, yet here I am, right awake. My jaw hurts, what did I do? Do I ignore this and try to go back to sleep? Ignore? Thalia ignored my email. Do you think she read my post and use it against me? 3:45am. Everyone is against me. I misspelled ‘against’ in that email to my client, so embarrassing. Will they want to do another project with me again? What do I want from life, really? I hope my family is ok. Arms are numb, what did I do? Ah yes, is it all worth it? 6:00am, time to get up. I’m exhausted. 

The mind is a funny thing. That was a FF playback of mine from last week, after I exposed my inner soul for everyone to see. I haven’t lost sleep for years, yet here I was in self-imposed paralysis to avoid twisting and turning, waking up the rest of the family, dogs barking, vases falling in the dark, drama unfolding. I told you, it’s not an easy journey, not a permanent solution, no matter what the genius marketing of the mindfulness industry is promising you. From what I know, my mind is not an exception, unfortunately. In my previous post I talked about how to adjust your ‘outer world’, your surroundings and habits to create a mind-balancing environment. In this post I will explore the depths of our subconscious, sharing my view of how to tame the Capricious Mind.    

Basics out of the way first. This is my philosophy and my way of making sense of the thorny world of deep mind exploration – it is not meant to be an exhaustive review of the matter. It has helped me better understand it and adjust it to my personality. I believe that deepening and internalising knowledge is key for long-term changes in the habits of the mind. So, here it goes …

Mindfulness, as a term slapped on every magazine and YouTube tutorial, doesn’t sit well with me – and not just because Gwyneth throws it left and right (although that’s a good enough reason to send me on a rampage). Don’t get me wrong, the word is fine, but do we even know what it means? Everyone uses it, nobody understands it. I like to break it down into two digestible faculties to make it easier to grasp and do something about it in my everyday practice: active awareness of the present, without judgement (aka equanimity – I know, a big word).

Sharpening your awareness

Let’s take awareness of the present first. For many, this is synonymous to meditation and mindfulness, which is great (I do it everyday – well, in a good week) but it’s the first step. And today’s media is obsessed with the techniques, tools and Apps as the end goal rather than focusing on the actual experience of sharpening your mind. The aim here is not what cross-legged position to have or how many ‘omms’ to recite. The aim is to train your mind to de-clutter, calm down and become so sharp that it starts paying attention to reality as it happens. This doesn’t happen overnight, it takes practice: 

  • You heard it many times, but observing your own breath is the greatest (and cheapest, it’s free) tool you have to experience reality at its most fundamental level. Even after 10 years of continuous mediation I still put a timer on my mobile as a reminder to stop and observe my breath. No deep breathing is necessary (you can do it if you want, it ‘draws’ your mind like a magnet), just normal breath as it comes in and out.
  • If your mind wanders, that’s great. Observe where it went, acknowledge it, and come back to your breath.
  • The big aha here is turning as many everyday tasks as possible into an opportunity to observe reality: get absorbed with how the water hits your skin in the morning shower; if an itch on your body rises, don’t rush to scratch it, observe it for minute or two with intention; integrate in your proudly busy schedule 15 mins power walks, switch off the automaton and turn on your sense, paying attention to new sounds and smells.  

Now, I hear you say: why the hell should I do all this? I don’t want to dwell on this, as there are numerous studies and a whole science on the benefits of awareness and meditation on mental wellness: better ability to focus, more awareness of feelings, greater intuition and the list goes on. For those of you who have experienced foundational mediation techniques (and probably are getting ready to switch to other reading material), keep on reading. Contrary to popular belief, mindfulness doesn’t stop here, that’s just the beginning. What I’m really interested in goes much deeper: a sharp, aware mind is a prerequisite for the true Lady of mindfulness to spring out: equanimity. Think of a sharp, aware mind as the set up for the operation: preparing the skin and having the right tools for the deep surgical incision to take place.  

Developing an equanimous mind, a mind that observes and accepts without any judgment, is the most difficult thing I’ve experienced in life. It is what enlightened people in Ancient Easter philosophies practiced for thousands of years. It is what Ancient Greeks philosophers called wisdom. It is even what lies behind self-compassion and self-love. It is the main ingredient of empathy. And it is the only way we can liberate our minds from the chains of self-doubt, guilt, uncontrollable emotions and many other ailments that we have come to accept as a normal part of our everyday. 

It is a common scientific fact that our conscious mind only controls a small percentage of the decisions we make. A big part of how we think, react and behave is masterminded by our subconscious through deep-rooted imprints, leaving the ‘I’ (our conscious part) in the dark. This is why no matter how aware you are of a negative feeling, no matter how much you can rationalise it and tell yourself otherwise, you still find yourself falling into the ridges of the subconscious. There are many routes to take that scalpel, make the incision and go deep in your subconscious to rewire it. There is the pure neuroscience route; the psychedelic drugs route, like microdosing and ayahuasca rituals – not for everyone, potentially dangerous and lacks any serious research results. The one I have direct experience with and I continuously practice stems from Vippassana meditation. I won’t put you to sleep with the details, so here’s just one practical tool to start applying tomorrow: 

  • Using your well-trained, sharp mind (!!) start paying attention to the sensations on your body. Scan bit by bit and when you feel something, anything be it heat, pressure, tingling, cold or any other sensation, observe, accept and move it. 
  • Be curious in the sensation, observe, but don’t develop a ‘feeling’ of it. Don’t like it, or dislike it. Just observe. 
  • Try to apply the same thinking when you experience feelings popping up, good or bad. Instead of being swept by them, stand aside, observe them, acknowledge how it makes you feel, experience how this feeling feels on your body. As I like to say ‘feel your feelings’ 
  • The more you observe, detached without judgement, the more equanimous the mind becomes. Equanimity is the big sister of resilience!   

Start small, but with intention. If you persist you’re bound to start noticing small differences in how you deal with everyday negativity, how it takes longer before you explode with anger, how you’re able to deal with those haunting thoughts at 3am. Slowly but surely you’ll know by then that you’ve made the first step towards the true meaning of mindfulness.   

Select rabbit holes notes and resources: 

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